The Parking Lot in the Middle of the Woods.

I was living in New Orleans at the time and this buddy of mine walked up to me and asked me to come help him out.

“Sure, buddy, whatcha need?”

“Well, I’ve gotta get my girlfriends car back for her.”

“Oh? Where is it?”

“It’s in the middle of the woods, sunk in this parking lot.”

“Sunk in a parking lot? What the hell are you talking about?”

“It’s sunk in the asphalt in this parking lot in the middle of the woods.”

Needless to say, I needed more information than this so I asked him what the hell happened.

“Well, it’s like this… I was driving home one day after work and I saw this dirt road and went out it to see if there was any good squirrel hunting. Well, I got to the end and there was this paved parking lot. Kinda weird, I’m way out this dirt road and there’s a paved parking lot, but, oh well. I didn’t think anything much of it; I just parked on it and went for a walk to check out the area for squirrels.

Well, I come back later and my girlfriends car is sunk in this parking lot, just a couple inches but it won’t come out. I came home and the next day I came back with a tow truck, but he couldn’t pull it out. His truck almost sank in also.”

So I said “OK,” and we went out there and called a big-rig tow truck. This oughta pull it outta there.

We took a ride out to where it was at, up some dirt road not too far from where we lived in the Metairie area, and we went up this dirt road about ½ mile until suddenly there is a paved, nice-looking parking lot.

This is really weird. We’re in the middle of nowhere with a paved parking lot? And on the far side is one single car; his girlfriends, sunk up to the axles now, in the pavement.

While we’re waiting for the tow truck we go over to the car and he shows me how it’s sunk and tells me the story. We look at this stuff, how form-fitting it all is, and ponder this strange thing, wondering just exactly what happened here. We hook up the comealong and give it a try, while we’re waiting.  No such luck, of course, so we wait for the tow truck.

Tow truck shows up and checks out the scene. Walks out onto the pavement, and looks at it weirdly. Checks out the car and finally says, “I ain’t pulling out onto that tar, but I think I got enough cable to yank it out from here. Prolly yank it off the axles though. Your call; right now there ain’t no charge.”

My buddy thought about it for a few minutes and sent him on his way. He decided he’d have to figure out something else; didn’t know what, but something…

A few weeks later he calls me up.

“Hey Jou; whatcha up to Saturday?”

“Why?”

“I need help getting my girlfriends car out. This time it’s coming, but its hard work. Gimme a hand?”

“Sure why not.” I want to see where this is going, after all.

“Well, there’s another thing, if you could.”

“Yeah, what’s that?”

“Got a vehicle we can yank on it with?”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

My boss is out of town for the weekend and left me his pickup truck, so sure, why not?

So, Saturday rolls around and sure enough it’s cold and wet, (drizzly.) He takes me out there while telling me how we’re gonna take these claw hammers, clean the tar from around the tires first, then we’re gonna pull this sucker outta there by pure force of will, (and my bosses pickup.)

I’m game.

This tar is pretty slow moving, but it does move. It’s like plain tar without the rocks that asphalt has, that’s what makes it so soft, so what we’re gonna do is dig it out near the wheels, etc… hook up the tow chain quick, and then pull like hell.

Well, he’s picked a great day for this. We’re out there in the freezing cold while it’s drizzling on us. Supposed to keep it harder, colder, less viscous. Kept my fingers that way, too. We mostly got it dug out and then he had a brilliant idea. We should run the engine for a while first, to soften the tar around it.

So, we ran the engine for a while, (car started and ran just fine,) and we hooked up and laid out the tow cable. I had him waiting to drop the cable into place the very second that I stopped so I’d only have to stop for a second.

I drove out there and stopped while they dropped the cable onto the tow hitch. I gave it the gas, easily. Wheels just spun! I gave it a little more gas… wheels just spun. They pushed on the bumper while I gave it the gas. They jumped up and down on the bumper. Wheels just spun.

I’m getting scared!

You can already see it sinking into the tar! It’s sunk a half inch already! It this truck sinks I’d better not be here when my boss gets back on Monday!

I jumped out, grabbed the jack and started jacking up one rear wheel, while frantically telling everyone to get me some kind of boards!

We threw them under that wheel, and did the second one, fast! The truck is already sunk about an inch, a shallow depression with no traction whatsoever, but we’re getting boards under the drive wheels and I throw off that cable!

I jump back in, drop it into drive and give it some easy gas.

It moves!

I start giving it more gas, so if I lose traction I can coast. By the time I came off that tar I was doing 40mph!

When I got stopped, I went back and helped pick up the tools and stuff.

I’d had enough; I never went back again.

Oh, you want the rest of the story?

OK.

He eventually got the car out, I forget how, but it never ran again. The prevailing theory is that the tar got into something the time we ran it, and destroyed it.

And that parking lot?

That mysterious parking lot, in the middle of the woods, at the end of a long dirt road?

Well, I don’t know if it’s true or not but the story we heard is an asphalt plant went out of business, dug a 30 foot hole in the middle of the woods, and dumped their excess tar there.

Rumor has it there are 2-3 cars already totally sunk in that pit and if he hadn’t parked at the edge, (the overflow from the actual pit,) his car would have completely disappeared.

I don’t know about that but I do know one thing…

In seconds, we were fucked, except for a jack and some boards… and some fast thinking!